Are We Chasing the Sting or the Smile?
Picture this: You’re slammed, and a friend’s late—again.
“You’re always so unreliable,” you think—or mutter, “Why are you so late?”
Or you’re behind that ‘slow’ driver on a single-lane road? “Ugh, so slow,” you grumble—or yell, “Come on!”
These moments can trigger a harsh inner monologue and even lead to muttered complaints or shouts.
It’s quick, easy—we’ve all jabbed like that. Stinging like this is easy.
What If We Chose Differently?
What if we paused and chose to say something completely different?
- “I’m glad you made it, been looking forward to you,” for the friend.
- “Better safe than sorry—take your time,” for the driver.
The goal is to train ourselves to go for the smile over the sting.
Seems tougher because it’s not our habit yet. It takes effort at first, then becomes our default—positive and encouraging. That effort flips a sting into a smile, lifting them and us.
I’m not perfect at it—I strive to, but I sting sometimes, especially with those I love most. Notice that too?
Snapping’s comfy, slips out fast, no work needed—it guards our feelings.
But kindness? That’s a nudge past the grumble.
Choosing How to Show Up
The people I’ve looked up to, my mentors and my gurus, always lived by this—always picking joy and kindness over critique and negativity, even when it wasn’t easy.
They chose how to show up, not just react.
Every time I try, I feel the difference in the one place it matters most—my heart. One small shift can turn a sour moment into a sweet one for everyone.
Kinder language is the better way—we just gotta trust it beats reacting.
The How: “सूनृत” Sunrut?
Our words don’t just show us—they shape us.
If we choose to sting, we dim our light, stuck in negativity.
If we choose to smile, we spark joy—inside and out.
Wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita
The Bhagavad Gita, a gem from the Hindu tradition, nails it:
The 4th guru in the lineage of my tradition, on April 4th, 1941, referenced this quotation from the Bhagavad Gita in a letter to a devotee:
“Speak less. Use words sparingly… Do not talk on and on. Speak only as required. Speak that which is truthful, good, and in a likable manner.” – Yogiji Maharaj
This is known in Sanskrit as Sunrut – सूनृत – words that are truthful, pleasing/likable, and beneficial/good.
It begs the question: Why not choose words that are ‘Sunrut’ ourselves?
Why not create a brighter world with words that heal, not hurt—full of love and truth?
Try This
This week, catch one moment you might sting—for example, a negative thought about someone not there or a reaction to someone or something you can’t control.
Stop for a second and ask yourself:
- What’s the sharp, mean thing I instinctually want to say without thinking?
- What’s the kind thing that takes a little more effort but aligns with who I want to be? What aligns with how I want to show up?
Pick the kind one and choose to say it out loud.
Maybe it’s… “Thanks for choosing to spend time with me today” instead of “I can’t believe you’re late”—something small.
Ensure it feels true to you. Next week, I’ll share a simple tool I’ve used for over a decade to make this shift daily.
Share Your MindShift
- When is a time you chose or can choose a smile over a sting?
- What did or will you say?
- How did it or might it feel?
- Would it be worth it?
If you’re that ‘one’ person this newsletter helps this week, I’d love to hear from you.
See you next week,
With love,
Shyambo
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Community MindShifts
A reader, KT, had a striking realization after reading last week’s newsletter. They
enjoy solo lunches but noticed a pattern when joining colleagues—adding to
negative commentary to fit in. The phrase
“Chasing Significance” hit home,
reframing what they once saw as blending in as a deeper pursuit of meaning.
They shifted from habit to awareness, writing:
“I never thought about this as ‘chasing significance,’ but… I
always find myself adding to negative commentary about
whoever is the subject at that moment. I think it is best
described as what you’ve called it: ‘chasing significance.’” -KT
Reply to share your MindShift. Who knows, maybe your insights could inspire
others to live more intentionally.
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